Shervie Ulibas ENG270B

Shervie Ulibas

ENG 270B

May 11, 2020

FD5

Word Count: 940

Hope

“HOPE is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune without the words,

And never stops at all,

And the sweetest in the gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chillest land,

And on the strangest sea;

Yet, never in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.”

Emily Dickinson’s Hope is the thing with feathers perfectly encapsulates the recurring message that I have found underlying beneath the works of the eight contemporary folk songwriters and the great American authors that we have studied all semester. Within each prose, poetry, and songs that we have analyzed over our course. I have come to discover that hope and desire have been themes that connect the writers and the musicians. [THESIS] Whether it would be with the hope that the United States will soon correct all of their past mistakes or the hope that one could better themselves; there is a strong sense of yearning to grasp the promise of better tomorrows. [THESIS]

It is evident that the last two lines of Emily Dickinson’s Hope is the thing with feathers refers to the fact that although hope could be found even in the strangest sea, it has somehow never touched upon her soul. Much like Dickinson, there are many individuals who crave for motivation in order to move forward in their lives. Though they are not given the same chances as everyone else that surrounds them. Personally, I hold these words close to my heart as I for one, have searched high and low for this eagerness that has kept so many warm. I have watched from afar as the faces of others are painted with genuine grins as they gradually reach their aspirations. While I am deeply rooted in the ground that I have been standing on for years on end, wishing that one day I too shall move away from this place that has held me captive.

Robert Frost’s The Sound of the Trees is another prime example that captures these ideas beautifully:

“My feet tug at the floor

And my head sways to my shoulder

Sometimes when I watch trees sway,

From the window or the door.

I shall set forth for somewhere,

I shall make the reckless choice

Some day when they are in voice

And tossing so as to scare

The white clouds over them on.

I shall have less to say,

But I shall be gone.”

As Frost watches the trees from his window or door, it is apparent that they evoke these hopeful thoughts within him that he too shall go to a place where he has not gone; that a day will come that he would no longer be afraid of the unknown, for he will be much bigger than his fears.

Carole King’s Way Over Yonder is similar to Frost’s poem, where she sang about a place that protects her–a place that she is bound to.

“Way over yonder is a place that I know

Where I can find shelter from hunger and cold

And the sweet-tastin’ good life is so easily found

Way over yonder, that’s where I’m bound

I know when I get there, the first thing I’ll see

Is the sun shining golden, shining right down on me 

Then trouble’s gonna lose me, worry leave me behind

And I’ll stand up proudly in a true peace of mind.”

This song weaves everything all together; the hope and desire of bettering one’s future; the yearning to belong somewhere. King’s lyrics truly captured what it is like to finally reach a certain position in your life that causes a sigh of relief to escape your lungs. This gave me a better understanding that there is a place out there for everyone where trouble will soon lose them and that all their worries will leave them all behind.

Another song that did an amazing job at offering their listeners with a sliver of hope is Joni Mitchell’s Woodstock:

These lyrics are basically saying that we will all find our time and that we will all have everything about ourselves figured out. Though, right now, it is absolutely okay not to know yourself, for life is for learning. All we need to have is hope.

A song that I have found that relates to these messages is entitled Home by Flyleaf and it is about growing into the best version of yourself one day and how one should never give up on trying to do just that:

“Tears stain your eyes
But you didn’t give up the fight
And now the fear won’t paralyze
So leave your broken satellite
Every breath is a chance to know yourself
And show them what you’re made of now
Forgiveness is the sweetest sound.”

In conclusion, hope and the desire to keep going is the only way that you can better yourself. There is absolutely no chance of anyone moving forward and becoming the person they have ever wanted to become if they cannot get back up from all the trials that are ahead.

Works Cited

“Carole King: Two Songs.” ENG 270B, 12 Feb. 2020, eng270b.wordpress.com/2014/05/05/carole-king-way-over-yonder/.

“Emily Dickinson: Selected Poems.” ENG 270B, 27 Jan. 2014, eng270b.wordpress.com/2014/01/06/emily-dickinson/.

“Joni Mitchell: Two Songs.” ENG 270B, 12 Feb. 2020, eng270b.wordpress.com/2014/05/05/joni-mitchell-woodtsock/.

“Robert Frost: The Sound of the Trees.” ENG 270B, 31 Mar. 2014, eng270b.wordpress.com/2014/03/31/robert-frost-the-sound-of-the-trees/.

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

Shervie Ulibas

ENG 270B

May 12, 2020

FD4

Word Count: 1610

Chained by my mistakes and lonesome past; I sat lifelessly before the blackened water of the ever vicious sea. Never in my whole life have I ever experienced living for my own sake. Not once have I truly cared enough about myself to release my being from situations that threatened my happiness. [THESIS] Though as time progressed and that darkened water that once seethed through my skin gained its blue color back. I too have been awakened by the light of an eternal sunrise that saved me from my greatest despair and opened my eyes to my true worth. [THESIS]

The delicate glow of the golden moon pierces through the thin yellow curtains of my bedroom window as the city outside hums rather softly. It was another lonesome night and although the trees seem to sway joyfully along with the chilly breeze of January; the emotions and thoughts that are currently running through the course of my being are nothing of the sorts. It has been an exhausting week. All of my friends have forgotten about my existence as they continuously ignored all of my attempts of starting a conversation. Whenever they have decided to send a text through our group chat; it is only ever directed to certain individuals that do not include me. To say the least; I was yet again being excluded for doing absolutely nothing.

This was not the first time that they have all purposely disregarded my presence for it happens almost every month and although it has taken a mental and emotional toll on me. The fear of losing every single one of them weighs more than my need of confronting their hurtful behaviors. It has gotten to the point that I would let them walk all over me and treat me as if I was their doormat to save myself from the utter pain of having the people that I care about walk out of my life completely.

The mere thought of not having anyone else but myself scares me to the core for the very notion of waking up to different dawns with the fact that I will be forced to live this already burdensome life by myself causes a woeful storm within the pit of my stomach.

“I wish I could just disappear and not be here anymore,” I whispered against the dark.

Without my knowledge; warm tears soon started trickling down my cheeks as my chest grew tighter. “It’s not like I matter to anyone, I’m just a placeholder,” I say to myself in between sobs.

Altogether the city outside of my window seemed to have ceased its humming and my surroundings felt like it was still. The soft rustling of leaves that could be heard before had dispersed and all that remained was my quiet cries. As I am held brutally by the calloused hands of melancholy, these intoxicating morbid thoughts have risen from the midst of this dreadful night, poisoning every crevice of my brain and painting the image of my inevitable death with a new profound beauty. It has convinced me that the withering of my very existence will finally set me free from all of the pain and sorrow. And in all honesty, I have been craving to make this exact concept turn into reality.

While I lay beneath my ceiling with endless tears escaping my eyes and the pictures of the scenes that would take place when the coming of my demise occurs playing in my mind, my phone that laid upon my bedside table played my text tone. I swiftly grabbed the device from its place and checked to see who had messaged me. A weary smile instantly found its way to be drawn across my chapped lips as I read the contact name and the notification.

Mia:

[AHH I just woke up and I saw ur tweets. Are u okay? 😦 u know u can always come to Alice and I if u wanted to vent, we’re always here for u even if our timezone sucks]

I quickly type a reply while I wore the same weary smile upon my lips.

Me:

[don’t worry abt me, i think i’ll be fine. i always find a way to be okay haha, thank you for checking up on me tho 😦 ilysm]

Not even a single minute passed and my phone had already displayed a response.

Mia:

[I knew u were gonna say that, so I’m just gonna say this. Whatever you’re going through, I know you’re gonna overcome it in due time. Don’t force yourself too much to feel okay, take all the time u need to recollect ur thoughts and emotions. I can’t promise that it’s all gonna be better tomorrow or even the day after that, but if u just let time do its thing and take away ur pain little by little, you’ll soon forget abt whats making u sad. Also, pls know that u can talk to us if u need it, I hate seeing u sad :(]

Reading those words on my screen caused the heavy feeling within my chest to disappear and my smile to grow bigger as it was refreshing to see that for once, I was being genuinely comforted by someone that I wholeheartedly cherish despite the daunting distance that stands between us.

Me:

[what if i told you, i wanted to disappear from the face of the earth? what if i no longer want to live anymore?]

This time, it took quite some time before I received a notification from her. My palms began to sweat fiercely while my heartbeat against my ribcage vigorously. This is the first I have ever been this vulnerable with someone, let alone to a person who I became friends with through Twitter.

After what felt like an eternity, my phone played my text tone, indicating that Mia had replied.

Mia:

[Oh, hell no. I don’t know what I would do if u werent a part of my life. You mean so much to me and I feel so weird not talking to u even for just a day. Meeting u is something I’m grateful for bcos u honestly bring so much light not only to my life but to Alice’s as well. I’m sure there are a lot of ppl whose lives would never be the same again if u didnt exist. We all have bad days, but I promise you, they are not permanent. Good days will always outweigh the bad. So please don’t think that way, we’re here for u. Better days are coming for u I just know it]

Mia:

[I know I can’t keep telling you that things will get better, but please try to find a little bit of hope and happiness during times like this]

The numbing arms of the rather cold evening embrace my entity as I stare at my phone screen with a blurrier vision than before due to tears welling up in my eyes yet again. The delicate glow of the moon was soon replaced with a brighter tone while I scanned through those heart-wrenching words once more to ensure that I am not imagining this exact moment. Who would have thought that I would find safety and comfort within an individual I have never met in person before and have only see through mere video calls? Who would have thought that my existence plays an important role in someone’s life? I have never even heard of those type of sentences leave the mouths of the people around me, but it is being said by someone who lives thousands of miles away from me at this moment. Mia’s encouragement and reassurance instantaneously gave me hope to fight through bitter tomorrows. It immediately eliminated every pessimistic thought that poisoned my mind tonight.

Taking a deep breath, it took everything in me to conjure something coherent as a response to her.

Me:

[thank you so much. i really can’t express how much those words mean to me. i’d die for you omg i don’t even know where to begin to explain how much you mean to me]

The next message that Mia had sent is the very reason for my constant need to turn horrible days into a much more bearable one.

Mia:

[Why don’t you live for me instead?]

It was at that stage that I became so much more aware of my worth and significance. It only took that response to make me realize that I did not need to stay in any type of relationship that made me feel inferior to them. If I had completely ignored Mia’s message and proceeded to wallow in my sadness, I would not have a clue of what it truly feels like to be cared about; to be seen and heard. Much like the conception of having friends that showed their love for me, it was such a rare occurrence to witness the rays of the moon burn ever so brightly at a time like this.

The days that followed this incident was painful, for I had finally gained the courage to cut off my friends and set myself free from the chains of their damaging behaviors. Though, as Mia had told me, better days are finding their way to me and sure enough. After I endured hurtful loss for weeks, the faithful tomorrows finally arrived where I was able to take full breaths. I no longer felt suffocated and restrained. I am at long last living for me and the people who truly treasure my existence.

Shervie Ulibas

April 13, 2020

FD3

Word count: 1058

America is a prosperous nation that promises its people with better opportunities to further improve their lifestyles. It is a country filled with a rich backstory that teaches individuals the true meaning of success and failure. [THESIS] America is the other side of various hardships; the new chapter to the story of many immigrants’ lives and above all else, it is the nation that encourages its citizens to reach for their version of the American Dream. [THESIS]

Throughout the making of this profound country, there have been countless stories written about America and its complex history. Authors such as E. Annie Proulx, Walt Whitman, Jack Kerouac, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, and Allen Ginsberg all have written their experience living in the United States. In doing so, these writers have helped with shaping the definition of the nation and it’s people.

This fact brings up the questions of what exactly American literature is and what is the most important quality that is within these works. I believe that American literature encapsulates the stepping stones of the United States and how certain events described in American literature became the foundation of what the country is today. It is not only a way of self expression from authors who have live through some of these occurrences, but it is also a method to make it known to others that are living in the United States that there are a lot of sacrifices and work that was put in to create the nation that is now called with various hopeful names such as the Land of the Free and New World.

As I read through the works of the writers, it was obvious that there is not a single set of beliefs that agreed or disagreed on how grand America is. The perspectives of the five authors differed from one another which allowed me to generate an opinion about America without having to be forced into believing a single point of view. The greatest example that contradicted each other’s ideas were writers Ferlinghetti and Ginsberg. In Ferlinghetti’s poem entitled “I am Waiting”. He wrote many points that suggested he thinks highly of America although the country has many shortcomings. In the forth stanza, Ferlinghetti states:

“I am waiting for the Great Divide to be crossed   
and I am anxiously waiting
for the secret of eternal life to be discovered   
by an obscure general practitioner
and I am waiting
for the storms of life
to be over
and I am waiting
to set sail for happiness
and I am waiting
for a reconstructed Mayflower
to reach America
with its picture story and tv rights
sold in advance to the natives”

This part of the poem implies that Ferlinghetti still has hope that America can right its many wrongs. When I read the words “I am waiting for a reconstructed Mayflower to reach America with its picture story and tv rights sold in advance to the natives”, I was thoroughly convinced that he still believes that it is possible correct the wrongdoings of Europeans to the native people.

On the other hand, Ginsberg took a much more negative route to describing the lives of Americans in his poem called “Howl II”. There is a clear implication that the word Moloch describes all things detrimental to life as every description following that word is followed by something negative. In our fifth discussion post, Kathy Phan perfectly expressed this by writing, “It quite possibly referred to everything that is negative and unwanted. An individual who thrives on taking the good and positivity out of other’s individualistic perspectives and opinions and fills it up to the brim with polar opposites. For example, as stated by Ginsberg, “Moloch in whom I am a consciousness without a body!” Screamed out in fury and distaste, the character is led by the ropes and chained to the belief of someone, or something, great but truly is not”.

I mainly focused on these two authors and as I further got a better understanding with their perception towards America, I also gained a much more developed knowledge on what the most important quality of American literature. I have come to believe that one’s unwavering desire to improve our country is the most significant quality of such writings because despite the fact that Ginsberg wrote about the bad things in the first and second part of “Howl”, he also illustrated a much more hopeful approach with the third part of his poem. Although, our nation has made some mistakes in its past. The state of America and Americans today proves just how much we are improving however slowly and because of this, people are still trying to fulfill their dreams.

The Other Side

By Shervie Ulibas

Where the night sky no longer holds its luster

The other side gleams with hope

Where the people who struggle to get by lay upon dirty pavements

The other side is paved in gold

Where the trees are withered and the birds sings a depressing tune

The other side is prancing with its fruitful trees and joyful melodies

Where the water is undrinkable and food supplies are scarce

The other side provides all with an abundance of goods

Where the streets are echoing with desolation

The other side is howling with glee

Where the wind dies down instantly along with people’s goals

The other side’s breeze proudly carries hopeful dreams

Where individuals are chained to their harrowing lives

The other side promises people with a better morrow

Oh, how wonderful the other side is with all of these promises

Oh, how alluring are these vows with contradictions

laced within them

For there is also

The other side who promises to bring families closer together,

but also tears them apart;

The other side whose streets are covered in glimmering gold

and the blood of many innocent citizens;

The other side who respects each other’s views and opinions,

unless it contradicts theirs;

The other side with whom looks out for each other,

only if they are recognized for their deeds;

The other side who bestows greater opportunities,

but only to the rich.

Works Cited

Ferlinghetti, Lawrence. “I Am Waiting by Lawrence Ferlinghetti.” Poetry Foundation, Poetry Foundation. 13 April 2020.  https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/42869/i-am-waiting-56d22183d718a

Phan, Kathy. “Paper 3: Discussion 5 (Ginsberg).” Online posting. 25 March 2020. Laulima Discussion. 13 April 2020. https://laulima.hawaii.edu/portal/site/KAP.33519.202030/tool/ee77af19-a54d-4476-b4c5-b732b7c5cd6f/posts/list/1588753.page